A kitten for free

Sunday night was most definitely over. By 4 am I was turning left from Old Compton St. into Charring Cross Rd, like milion times before, heading back to the base. When I was passing by this 24 h fastfood store somebody called on me:
"-Where you going?" - I turned around. A guy was stading on the pavement.
"-Where YOU wanna go?" - I got off and stood next to him.
"-Take us there, around the corner" - he indicated a general direction - "for two quid!"
There were two of them, both in their forties. One - a very tall and very drunk too, and the other, that just spoke - shorter, a bit more sober and, as it soon appeared, much more frustrated.
"-What place you`re going to?"
"-Listen, you can take us THERE for two quid or you carry on, wasting your time." - uttered the shorter one.
"-I`m sorry, but I need to know where you guys going, first. Are you looking for anything?"
"-We want pussy!" - they agreed quickly. The shorter looked at me duobtfuly:
" -But you`re gay! You not gonna know..."
I just laughed.
"-So you guys want some prostitutes, yeah?"
"-No!" - shouted the smaller one - " We want a pussy for free!!!"
"-We want a lively bar or a disco with girls..." - interposed the tall guy
"-Guys!" - I laughed again - "- It`s nearly monday morning, everything is shut!"
"-Wow wow wow!" - the shorty obviously knew better. - "I`m not a fucking tourist, mate!"
"-And I`m not a German before you ask me..." - mysteriously put in the tall drunk.
"-Don`t give me this shit! I`m local! There must be something open! I`ll give you a fiver if you take us to Wardour St!"- went on the shorty.
"-Ok! Let`s do it!"
"-There! I pay you upfront!"
Getting on the rickshaw was a real challenge for the tall one... He nearly fell. Shorty was laughing his ass off. When it was his turn to get on, he looked at me and said intimidatingly:
"-If you try to mug me off, I swear, I will fuck you up!"
"-Don`t worry!"
"-I`m not worried, mate..."
As soon as we moved on he started to scream at me: "Faster! We are in a hurry! LOL! LOL!" Every now and then he was adding that: "I`m just joking, mate!" On and on like that... He was also trying to grab my arse. Fortunately we were separated by the plastic rainshield. I concentrated on breathing. We got into Romilly St. He kept screaming, cackling, punching the rainshield and trying to touch my buttocks. "I`m just joking mate!" "That`s all right!" "Ha! So you like it!" He doubled his efforts. I got a vision of myself, grabing my trike by the front wheel, overturning it and then kicking him until the rainshield was all red. I concentrated on breathing instead. Soon we arrived to Wardour St.
"-Here we are!" - I announced.
"-You`re kicking us out?!" - the shorty was clearly disappointed - "take us somewhere lively!"
"-I told you everything was shut, wait here for two hours more an they will open again..."
"-Places like that should be open 24 h! All right! Give me a pound back!"
I told him quickly I had no change.
He got out, turned his back on me and started to piss on the nearest building.
The big one got off the rickshaw with a great difficulty. The shorty snapped, pissing:
"-I already payed him!"
The tall one tapped me on the shoulder:
"-You`re a good man!"
"-Thank you!"
I was gone immediately, thinking how lovely I was gonna describe it here.