Rickshaw rider's night out

Some time ago some people, who took on writing a blog about rickshaws in London, asked me to prepare a guest post. So I did. They published it lately http://rickshawsinlondon.com/guest-posts/, omitting some interesting and important parts. I thought it would be a shame to lose them, therefore I decided to post a full, original version below:

"Hi everyone! I've been riding a rickshaw for a little while. I even write a blog about it! Here's a handful of a practical knowledge I'd like to share with you:
- Beware very drunk/drugged people. They are capable of anything. I insist: ANYTHING!
- Anytime you can tell that your potential customers are too rough or just untrustworthy charge them upfront.
- Some rickshaw riders are monkeys. Greedy, unscrupulous, selfish and cynical. They will steal your lifts, they will undercut your prices. Smile and be patient! There are many nice people around every corner. You will find them.
- Some people out there will treat you like an animal. You don't have to take anything like this. If anybody calls you names, suggests that £5 is a lot of money where you come from, tells you that your father drives an elephant, maliciously tries to finger your arse or to set your jacket, on your back, on fire with a lighter - don't take them anywhere. You are self employed, which means that you work for yourself. Dignity has no price.
- Some shameless, drunk women will try to allure you into having sex with them, on your rickshaw. They may even suggest a sexual encounter as a form of payment. Don't you EVER make out on your trike. She may change her mind later and accuse you of a rape. You will go to prison for certain sure. You have probably heard how they treat rapists over there. Take her home or pay her a visit. Use a condom.
- A bad boy element is an intrinsic part of the nightlife... Those gentlemen will try to force you to drive them around for free, will attempt to take your trike away from you or basically will sit on your rickshaw refusing to go away. Never show them that you are scared (no matter how intimidated you are feeling). Never try to be cocky or aggressive (you can't fight a bunch of hoodlums on your own). Talk politely but show them that you are self confident. Low profile people's minds are erratic. They will get bored soon and will be gone.
- Avoid a physical confrontation at any price! Remember: you don't go out to fight, but to make money. Nevertheless when worse comes to worse and you need to defend yourself, never punch people in their teeth, for their teeth will easily cut the skin on your bare knuckles. You bleed a lot, scars remain forever and what if your opponent was venomous? Simply kick their balls. It works. BTW if anybody puts a knife to your gut, unless your second name is Seagul, Norris or Van Damme, don't struggle. It's not worthy.
- Read my blog. It's great! ;~)"

Dinner with Swedish king

Love, love, love! Sudden and unexpected strikes of passion - isn't it what human nature is all about? "Sex and violence" - was the song from The Exploited. The lyric succinctly, however very accurately indeed, describes what humans like to do the most, when off duty. A lot of booze is also (not) to be (v)omitted. When everything goes smoothly enough, there's no need to throw up nor fight. Winner takes all. That may even include a lost, lovely bird willing to spend the rest of the night with you. A hotel room is all you need.

Unfortunately that is the root of all problems. London town is a busy one. No matter day of the week, hotels are always full. A rickshaw rider is very often asked for help. I am never overenthusiastic about this kind of a challenge. It takes ages to find a vacancy and not every customer is generous enough to appreciate your efforts. And as the wind blows emotions grow cold... You not gonna believe it but there are some jokers out there who dare to offer one a "no room - no fare" deal...

Sometimes there's no choice left. Something is better than nothing. It's always a long journey and we talking here about visiting about 15 - 20 hotels minimum. Often a customer believes that he possesses some magic powers and insists on doing the talking himself. That leaves you alone with the pray for a while. One lady once kept assuring me (and probably herself as well) that: "He's not seedy, you know?" As if she knew him forever. But that's exactly how we click, isn't it? The short lasting feeling of "it seems like we've been knowing each other forever" is a key factor.

Another night I met that couple. That guy was Swedish, really cool and well spoken. He informed me right away that in case I find them a room he will get me a dinner with the Swedish king. How could I refuse? It wasn't easy. Journey was long and challenging. I was even stopped by the police who performed some routine check on me. My passenger kept shouting that he will pay all the fines, even though the officers assured him that there were no fines whatsoever. Finally we found a place. Object of his desire had the highest high heels I have ever seen in my life. I'm sure he deserved it. He was a gentleman and he knew well how to prove his appreciation in terms of money. At least that time finding a hotel for my customers was a good fun.