Eighty percent of celery

After work we sat down in our base. "You know?" - F. was in a talkative mood, as usual - "When I was fifteen I studied for two years to become a builder..." "What?!" - somebody broke in jeeringly - "You studied to become a builder?! I used to be a builder without any studies at all!" "You are Polish!" - protested A. - "Everybody knows that Poles are born builders!" All present nodded their heads in assent. "I studied for two years!" - F. carried on with his storey - "Meanwhile I was paid monthly eighty percent of a regular builder's salary!" "What?!" - somebody either didn't hear him well or basically didn't get it. "He was paid eighty percent of celery." - explained A. "Yeah!" - added somebody else - "Plus twenty percent of tomatoes!" "Yes!" - said F. solemnly - "They kept paying me that money for two years. College was quite distant from my home though, so I had to take a bus and that bus was quite expensive! However" - F. looked at us cunningly as a shithouse rat - "there was another bus for free, going through my city picking up mentally handicapped. So every morning I had been waiting on a bus stop till that free bus arrived and then I was boarding like that!" Pulling faces he advanced twisting his knees and feet towards each other. As we were close to roll on the floor laughing he smiled broadly and added: "I used to talk to driver every time and he liked me. He kept giving me some food and soft drinks. And you know what?" He lowered his voice dramatically. "Once a month prostitutes from Marseille used to come to have sex with us! For free! Government paid for that! You know, it was in France!" - He explained and looked around proudly. "Oh yes! I got many blow jobs from them and sex too!" - He added yearningly.

Cheeky blowjob

The nights on every Bank Holiday are always the same. Some say it's the time when all the rich people are gone abroad. Some others add that on those nights East End meets West End. Rickshaw riders from South America call them noches de pendejos. Seriously bruv, that indicates loads of fun!
On a night like this one guy on Oxford St. was arguing with his girlfriend. He clearly ran out of arguments cause he violently toppled a big, modern and sophisticated dustbin and then kept kicking phonebooths, road signs, fences and anything else he could. People in general were enjoying the show, however somebody, giggling, adviced him not to be so macho. His girlfriend though, rose to the occasion. In no time we could see her slapping his face vigorously. He really needed those caresses.
I watched the whole situation with a senior rider Monty. Afterwards he told me: "You know, Hitler was a lunatic who oftentimes went furious. It was reported that on one occasion he was bitting a carpet! That`s why people who knew about it used to call him Teppichfresser - a carpet eater!"
Two guys waved me down. One of them asked: "How much to Clapham?" The other one wanted to know where the prostitutes were. When I asked what was that they really wanted, I heard: "A cheeky blowjob!" I gave them directions to the best of my knowledge.
Dawn broke over Greek St. Popular hip-hop/r'n'b Moonlighting Nightclub was kicking out. Crowd of raving hustlers needed excitement. Somebody slapped a girl and a serious riot broke out. The fight was spectacular. An Italian girl watched them with curiosity. She reached a conclusion that sounded something like: Massa di cabri!

Let`s do some cocain!

I was going up Oxford St. and just passed Wardour St. on my left when I saw that guy. He waved me down. "How much to Manchester Sq.?" First I said "a tenner" but then I realised that there were two of them and I demanded eight quid per person. The other fellow got closer and said: "A tenner for two!" "Fifteen!" "Twelve!" "C`mon give me some more then twelve!" Finally we agreed fifteen. The one who approached me latter said something, before they even took a seat. It was too unclear to be understood. He said that again and again and finally I got it. "Get in with us for a one!" I said that it was very kind of him but I couldn`t. "C`mon, just for a one!" "I really appreciate your hospitality but I truly need to work!" Finally they were seated. On the way he kept insisting: "C`mon get in with us! I`d love to see you naked!" "I can`t do that! My girlfriend would be very upset with me!" He didn`t give up: "Oh! That doesn`t matter!" "That doesn`t matter for you cause you wouldn`t have to tell her that..." This stopped him for a little while. Not for too long though! "C`mon come with us! Just to have a drink!" We were getting close to our destination. "I`m not going to do that! I need money, therefore I need to work!" "I pay you!" "For the first time I turned around and looked at him. "I don`t like it at all, you know?!" It shut him up a bit. Finally we got to outside their place. The persistent one wanted a receipt. The other guy just thanked me and was gone. While I was looking for a receipt for him he kept talking. "Come on in! Let`s do some cocain!" "I don`t do cocain!" "Then let`s get some penis! I`ll give you a blow job!" I just burst with laughter. "C`mon don`t get mad at me!" - he carried on. "I`m not mad at you. You can say whatever you want..." "Give me a hug!" I gave him a well bear one. Quickly he kissed me on a cheek and finally follwed his mate.

On the run

I heard this story a few weeks ago. A rickshaw rider got a lift to somewhere with two gay boys. Once they reached their destination his customers took to heels. He managed to stop one of them. Somehow the police appeared. He tried to explain to officers that he was cheated. The fairy claimed though, that the rider harassed them sexually demanding a blowjob as a form of payment. Poor bastard got busted and spent whole night at the police station.