Freezing

It was a long winter night. Temperature had gone so low that I felt guilty when offerring lifts to people. To my true astonishment and undisguised joy two Englishmen wanted me to get them to Victoria Coach Station. I didn`t let them ask twice for it. On the way we stopped in a red light, next to some fat car. Window by the back seat got open and a young fellow asked my customers with a sham of concern, his accent conspicuously American: "Aren`t you freezing, boys?!" One of the Britons answered quickly: "It`s better to be cold than to be a Yankee." There was much rejoicing...
;~)

Original nutter

Last night in Oxford St. I heard a woman screaming: "Stop it! Oh! Stop it!" It`s not what ladies usually shout in this area on a weekend nights so I looked in puzzelment in direction from where the voice came. I saw a short, skinny guy who was kicking a passing by rickshaw and then started to push it frantically from behind... It was his girlfriend that was screaming. The rickshaw rider was fleeing in horror. I drove there, stepped next to the nutter and asked him: "What did he do to you?" "He stepped off where he shouldn`t! And now you are doing the same!" He raised his clenched fist. "FUCK OFF!!!" he adressed me with bitter hate. His girlfriend was pleading him to cool down but he didn`t care. Indeed he was a wee size, but his eyes... He was possessed! Probably just mixed his usual dose of medicines with some liquor... The effect was imposing. Beyond any doubt I was dealing here with some serious supernatural powers. Completely awestruck I watched him in silence. He kicked my trike once and shouted: "You didn`t need this! FUCK OFF!!!" His woman kept begging him to stop it. Some guy who was just passing by, chewing on his nightly kebab, asked him what was happenning. He immediately turned towards him, his clenched fist raised high. Nevertheless the kebab consumer wasn`t impressed by stricking poses and they started some, rather peculiar, conversation. They were taking their time. I left them to it.

Let`s do some cocain!

I was going up Oxford St. and just passed Wardour St. on my left when I saw that guy. He waved me down. "How much to Manchester Sq.?" First I said "a tenner" but then I realised that there were two of them and I demanded eight quid per person. The other fellow got closer and said: "A tenner for two!" "Fifteen!" "Twelve!" "C`mon give me some more then twelve!" Finally we agreed fifteen. The one who approached me latter said something, before they even took a seat. It was too unclear to be understood. He said that again and again and finally I got it. "Get in with us for a one!" I said that it was very kind of him but I couldn`t. "C`mon, just for a one!" "I really appreciate your hospitality but I truly need to work!" Finally they were seated. On the way he kept insisting: "C`mon get in with us! I`d love to see you naked!" "I can`t do that! My girlfriend would be very upset with me!" He didn`t give up: "Oh! That doesn`t matter!" "That doesn`t matter for you cause you wouldn`t have to tell her that..." This stopped him for a little while. Not for too long though! "C`mon come with us! Just to have a drink!" We were getting close to our destination. "I`m not going to do that! I need money, therefore I need to work!" "I pay you!" "For the first time I turned around and looked at him. "I don`t like it at all, you know?!" It shut him up a bit. Finally we got to outside their place. The persistent one wanted a receipt. The other guy just thanked me and was gone. While I was looking for a receipt for him he kept talking. "Come on in! Let`s do some cocain!" "I don`t do cocain!" "Then let`s get some penis! I`ll give you a blow job!" I just burst with laughter. "C`mon don`t get mad at me!" - he carried on. "I`m not mad at you. You can say whatever you want..." "Give me a hug!" I gave him a well bear one. Quickly he kissed me on a cheek and finally follwed his mate.

On the run

I heard this story a few weeks ago. A rickshaw rider got a lift to somewhere with two gay boys. Once they reached their destination his customers took to heels. He managed to stop one of them. Somehow the police appeared. He tried to explain to officers that he was cheated. The fairy claimed though, that the rider harassed them sexually demanding a blowjob as a form of payment. Poor bastard got busted and spent whole night at the police station.

Like a tin of beans

Light just turned red. Me and a fellow rider, we had to stop in the corner of Ruppert St. and Shaftsbury Ave. That very moment we were approached by two lads. "All right!" - exclaimed one of them - "one pound to go to 101!" We ignored him completely. "Two pounds to go to 101!" was his next bid. Another rider was gone without a word. I looked the opposite direction. "This one`s got bigger legs!" - observed the older lad, the one who remained silent so far. The first one kept bidding: "We give you a fiver, if you take us to 101!" "You are very generous" - was my answer - "and I really appreciate that! However, I`d rather stay here - obviously if you don`t mind!" The older one looked at his mate: "He`s more English than both of us together!" He addressed me then:
"What would be a reasonable price for us to go to 101 Kitchen?" "I take you for eight quid." "Eight quid for both of us. It`s up to you!" - he looked at the bidder who didn`t protest, then he produced a tenner and asked me if I had two pounds change. He took it from me before handing out the note.
"You`ve got a very good cockney accent!" - the bidder spoke again. "Thank you! I`ve been practising..." "Let me tell you something! If someone gives you trouble just tell him: I will open you up like a tin of beans!" I smiled and showed him my rickshaw: "Would you like to take a seat?" He was about to say something more but the older one frowned and asked him: "Would you like to take a seat?" I moved quickly and soon we got to the lounge. "Thank you governor!" - the younger shook my hand. "This is for you!" - the one who payed before passed me a two pound coin. I wished them a good night, moved a bit down the road, then stopped and stuck down on a scrap of paper: "I will open you up like a tin of beans!" LOL

Tarot

Yesterday I saw this freaky Irish guy, hanging around with a very small doggy. Suddenly he approached two guys standing next to me. He had something in his hand. He showed that to one of them and said: "Pick up three cards." I realised that what he was holding were some rumpled tarot cards. The guy followed his instructions. "Okay! Now let me see them! Hm... This one says that you gonna meet some hot lady! Aha! This one tells me that there`s some serious money on it`s way to you! And the last one... This girl will be really in love with you, boy!" The guy seemed to be extremly pleased by this divination. The fortune-teller asked him quickly for any change. The guy gave him some eagerly. "C`mon! Tell me some more shit, man!" - he exclaimed in excitement.

April Fools

That`s what Plutarch says in "The life of Marcus Antonius" about his father Marcus Antonius Creticus: "...he was an honest man, and of a very good nature, and specially very liberal in giving [...]. He was not very wealthy, and therefore his wife would not let him use his liberality and frank nature. One day a friend of his coming to him to pray him to help him to some money, having great need, Antonius by chance had no money to give him, but he commanded one of his man to bring him some water in a silver basin, and after he had brought it him he washed his beard as though he meant to have shaven it, and found an errand for his man to send him out, and gave his friend the silver basin, and bade him get him money with that. Shortly after there was a great stir in the house among the servants, seeking out this silver basin. Insomuch as Antonius seeing his wife marvellously offended by it, and that she would examine all her servants one after another about it, to know what was become of it: at lenght he confessed he had given it away, and prayed her to be contented."
Well, I`m extremely happy not to be around while he was praying his wifey to be contented then...