4 am

It was 4 am. I sat down on my trike in front of Little Italia and Bar Italia on Frith St. Little Italia was already empty. Lights inside were on. Two posh vamps in their forties stood outside smoking ciggies while luringly exposing plunging necklines. Bouncers, minicab drivers and everyone else, except for two gents silently maintaining embrionyc positions on the pavement a bit further on the left, were very excited. Those two didn`t seem to care much. They kept laying quietly in pools of their own urine. Bouncers managed to wake up one of them. He stood up, took a few tottery steps and collapsed again. Suddenly a rickshaw full of people stopped by Bar Italia and three hustlers jumped off straight on the pavement, like a bunch of ogres from Warcraft II during a beach landing.
They saw women and immediately moved towards them. However, before the intruders stood a chance to open their mouths one of the women said quickly amd loudly: "No, no no guys! You`re not buying us anything, selling us anything or anything else!" Chaps didn`t expect that warm a welcome, therefore weren`t too loquacious. "Okay!" - ordered the lady - "just tell us, everyone in turns, what is that you want. You first!" The chosen one started to mumble something about champagne, himself being that many years old and alike rubbish. The second one talked only rubbish. The third one remained silent. A bouncer said something to them in a low voice and I saw them leaving the stage. Next entered an ambulance. The crew woke up one of the drunks and somehow made him throw up. Clearly that made him good! The second one was put on a stretcher and taken inside emergency vehicle. Soon they carried him away. "Mamma mia!" - exclaimed a waiter wachting the whole process. Women got in a car. Burlesque was over.

Jon is hot

I came out pretty late. It didn`t escape ever vigilant Amir`s notice. "Oh! You coming out THAT late again!" I quickly introduced him to people around as a true champion. He told me to shut up and was gone. Shortly afterwards I met Monty. He was as usual in trouble. A guy from a corner shop didn`t want to exchange his drink for another one, once he purchased it. That made him quite unhappy and of course he managed to get his money back but the guy told him "don`t buy here". He was thirsty though, so he gave me some change and asked me to buy that other drink for him... On Old Compton St. Hugo was, as always, fighting with preponderant forces of hustlers. He knocked flat one of them and escaped quickly. They ran after him yelling: "Smash him!" Police showed up as soon as they disappeared. A little while later one guy offered me money to have sex with him. I did my best to answer him politely. He rose to the occasion and said that as a matter of fact he just wanted to pay for a lift. In any case he didn`t. On Charring + Rd I saw a young, shitfaced lad lifting up vigorously quite a big girl. That attempted tour de force didn`t quite work. Immediately he lost his balance, fell on his back and she landed on top of him flashing her white panties. I couldn`t stop myself from laughing loudly. "What are you laughing at?!!!" I heard his drunk and angry voice from underneath her :D
I kept cruising around eating banana. A girl approached me. "Are you eating a banana?! Unbelievable! When I cycle I can never focus on anything else than cycling itself!!!" "Rickshaw has three wheels. That makes it much easier, you know?" "I am so stupid!" She suddenly exclaimed. "Why?" "I kissed my best friend and I know he fancies me! We we`ve been together to the concert of Bon Jovi. (Jon is sooooo hot!!! Don`t you think so?! Oh! It`s just out of question - he`s sooooo hot!!!) And that friend of mine wanted to kiss me and I let him!" "Did you kiss with tongues?" "YES!" "Did you enjoy it?" "Yes!" "Then what`s wrong about it?" "I don`t know... I just do so many stupid things recently..." "So who else did you kiss lately?" "Erm... No one... Well... My friend`s boss. I was pissed though. And he split with his girlfriend... but now they are back together..." I was hundred percent sure I didn`t want to kiss her. Finely she was gone to catch her bus...
My last lift was with two young bitches who kept arguing all the time. "I paid the drinks! You have to pay the man!" "K`mon I paid the entrance fee!" "And last week it was me who was paying!" "It`s the last time I go out with you!" "Don`t make a scene!" And so on, or even worse, no end! Three "holes in a wall" didn`t work. The fourth one saved me. I felt very relieved when it was over.
Was all that really full moon`s fault?

Evil

Working nighttime on the streets of London is obviously not shelling peas. No one expects anything else but to see human nature clear and true. High with a little help from their friends, people eagerly forget constraints of civilisation. Many don`t even need any booze or such, being born barbarians. Keep your eyes peeled and you`ll see things. Come closer and you will touch darkness. Well, to be more precise it will touch you.

Wolfpack

Once, waiting by Tottenham Court Rd station, I saw a chap in his thirties. He was a big guy but rather plump than muscular. He was coming from Charring Cross Rd. In his eyes I saw sheer panic. First I thought he was only on drugs. Soon I realised he was fleeing. There was a bunch of dodgy looking teenagers hemming him in. He wasn`t runnig. They weren`t shouting. Methodically closing the cirlce they kept following him in silence.The guy was shitting himself. Panting and sweating he was attempting to break free. The hunters though, knew their job very well and the hunted stood no chance to escape. I could not tell what was that all about. Strange company passed in front of me and disappeared around the corner...

A joke

When you ride a trike you seat in front of your customers who face your back (unless it`s a frontloader, but not too many of them are to be seen nowadays on the streets of London).
A fellow rider told me this story. It was a rainy night so he wore a waterproof jacket with a hood on. It affects your hearing. He took two seemingly respectful gents to a decent hotel. On the way they kept laughing boisterously. He asked them once or twice if everything was okay and was just told to keep pedalling. A while after the job was finished he discovered that all the back of his jacket was covered with spittle. He realised they were spitting at him through all the ride and clearly that made them so happy...

A lighter

One night as I was cycling to pick up my trike from the garage I went through Old St. I saw a rickshaw carrying three people, moving opposite direction. A rider was working his way uphill and I could tell he was struggling. Suddenly one of the guys lighted up his cig and then started to burn jacket on riders back. Poor bastard had no idea what was going on. The sad thing was that with a heavy traffic on that road nobody from any car said anything to the villain. I made a U turn, got closer to the trike and told rider about it. The dickhead who did it started to shout at me that I was a lier and should fuck off. The worst thing of all was that the driver didn`t say or do anything. He was one of those new Asian riders. After a while he just started again and went away together with those cunts...

Work permit

On another night I saw another one of those Asians stopped on Oxford St. , talking to some lads. He waved me down and I thought he just wanted directions. His English was very bad and for a good while I couldn`t comprehend what was going on. He said the two guys asked for his ID. "They say I`m foolish!" He stated. Two fellows watched me in rather heavy silence. "Can anybody just tell me what`s going on?" One of them quickly approached the Asian boy, huged him and kissed him on the cheek. Then he produced a tenner and passed it to him. They sat down on his trike and asked him to carry on. He thanked me and moved on. A bit later I saw him again. "They are false people!" Piece by piece he put the story together. He took those men from Cambridge Circus. On Oxford St. they got off and demanded a work permit from him... They didn`t want to pay him otherwise. That was the moment when I arrived. Bastards!

Counterfeit

Once two fellows an a lass came to me asking to take them to a quite distant place. There were three of them, they wanted to go far and they looked suspicious. I demanded £35 upfront. I was sure they would tell me where to go and disappear. They payed me eagerly though and we moved on. On the way the boys kept playing with me a bad and a good cop and the girl was giggling foolishly. With the money in my pocket I didn`t give a straw. As we were approaching our destination they became nicer and nicer and finely started to tell me that I had done a great job so they had to tip me. By the end of it I was pretty knackered but I felt satisfied. They were taking some pics of themselves on the rickshaw with their mobiles, thanking me a lot etc. One of the lads asked me for a tenner and gave me another £20 note. After wishing me best of luck they were gone. Soon afterwards I discovered that those people were really skilled in art of deception and that, as a matter of fact I went to there for a fiver... Both £20 notes were fake! Once I knew a teacher who kept saying that he could never comprehend why Pallas Athena favoured and protected "that rotter", son of Laertes, so much...

Drunk or drugged to the point of going out of their minds abuse themselves in first place. How about those who consciously don`t respect a hardworking fellowman? What about people who cynically abuse you pretending to be friendly and sympathetic? Are they happy? Do they feel satisfied with their lifes? Or maybe, knowing very well that they`re nothing but shit themselves, they just want to make other people feel like shit? Does it help? Do they trust each other more afterwards? I doubt it...

One hundred pounds

I stopped in Wardour St. not far from Village, that gaybar. A guy came running, jumped on my trike and exclaimed:"GO! GO!" I looked at him with disapproval and asked:"But where are we going?" "Just go! Please! I`ll give you one hundred pounds!" I moved on eagerly. "Please! Move faster!" "What is it? Is anybody chasing you?" "Yes! A bunch of Pakistanis wants to beat me up thinking that I`m an American!" I could hear that twang in his voice too. "In fact I`m Canadian but they didn`t want to listen to me!" We were approaching Oxford St. undisturbed. "So where are we going?" I asked. "Could you take me to St. Paul`s Cathedral? I`ll honestly pay you one hundred pounds!" I cracked on pedalling. Quickly I got to Strand. As I was getting to Waterloo Bridge one of the axles got broken. Cursing my bad luck I apologised to my customer for not being able to take him any further. He was very grateful anyway and he handed me out five twenty pounds notes. I told him not to be silly and accepted only forty quid. I reproach myself for that ever since...
:)

Foot fetish

A fellow rider took his customer to a decent hotel. It was clear from the very beginning that the guy was gay. On the way he said to that rickshaw rider that he liked his feet. Upon their arrival to hotel customer paid the man and then presented him his very special offer. He said he would give him eight hundred quid if he let him lick his feet. When rider wasn`t very enthusiastic about it, the poor guy suggested another option. He wrote his phone number and e-mail adress on a twenty pound note and said he hoped that the fellow would make up his mind. In any case he gave him one hundred and fifty pounds asking for an email with three pics of his bare feet. Driver pocketed the money and said that possibly they could make another deal. The perv was all ears. "I can sell you my sox!" "For how much?" "Two hundred each!" "Hmmm... That`s expensive." Nevertheless he just couldn`t stop himself... Honestly, wasn`t it an advantageous purchase?!

Cheeky blowjob

The nights on every Bank Holiday are always the same. Some say it's the time when all the rich people are gone abroad. Some others add that on those nights East End meets West End. Rickshaw riders from South America call them noches de pendejos. Seriously bruv, that indicates loads of fun!
On a night like this one guy on Oxford St. was arguing with his girlfriend. He clearly ran out of arguments cause he violently toppled a big, modern and sophisticated dustbin and then kept kicking phonebooths, road signs, fences and anything else he could. People in general were enjoying the show, however somebody, giggling, adviced him not to be so macho. His girlfriend though, rose to the occasion. In no time we could see her slapping his face vigorously. He really needed those caresses.
I watched the whole situation with a senior rider Monty. Afterwards he told me: "You know, Hitler was a lunatic who oftentimes went furious. It was reported that on one occasion he was bitting a carpet! That`s why people who knew about it used to call him Teppichfresser - a carpet eater!"
Two guys waved me down. One of them asked: "How much to Clapham?" The other one wanted to know where the prostitutes were. When I asked what was that they really wanted, I heard: "A cheeky blowjob!" I gave them directions to the best of my knowledge.
Dawn broke over Greek St. Popular hip-hop/r'n'b Moonlighting Nightclub was kicking out. Crowd of raving hustlers needed excitement. Somebody slapped a girl and a serious riot broke out. The fight was spectacular. An Italian girl watched them with curiosity. She reached a conclusion that sounded something like: Massa di cabri!

Streetwalker

Once I stopped by the corner of Old Compton St. and Charring Cross Rd. I was approached by a boozed guy. In one hand he had a flagon of dark rum, in another one he carried a bottle of coca-cola and a plastic cup. He was merry and friendly. He said he was after some harlotry and asked me for directions. Quickly I took him to Peter St., where most of the brothels are. There was a girl standing on a pavement. He got off and went straight to her. I was gone about my business.
About an hour later I was passing through Wardour St. "You!" Somebody shouted accusingly. "YOU are working with them! WHERE IS SHE?!" Pretty bewildered I looked around just to see the same guy I took to Peter St. a while ago... He seemed to be quite sober now. Sober and very angry. Not quite getting what was just happening I asked him to cool down and tell me what occured. He said that as he was following that bird, suddenly he got surrounded by four lads who took his money, mobile, watch and liquor...
Compassionate, I took him for free to train station from where he could take a train home.